Gardening with Mom - 2024 05 15

 

My life with Mom is constrained to activities around home. It is ok for me to go for a 20 minute walk with the dog off the property and leave Mom in her chair or on her bed, but I start to feel uneasy for any longer period than that without knowing someone is looking in on her and making sure she has what she needs.

In November, 2021, Mom was put on the palliative care registry and we organized ourselves to 'let nature take its course' on a six month timeline. Had we ever done this before? No. Did we know what to expect? No. We set aside our regular life routines of planning trips to visit grandchildren, or planning renovations, or planning to rescue a second dog, or install a new chicken coop. We put our lives on hold to organize and manage for Mom's needs, thinking this was a short term, acute situation that needed our full attention.

At the end of the first six month period, we consulted with the Palliative Care nurse and extended the palliative care registration. Mom was still extremely frail with complex medical needs that seemed to surface in turns, no sooner would we stabilize one aspect of her health, when some other issue would emerge.

This continued throughout 2022 and 2023. Mom did not get significantly stronger, but her descent into frailty - dementia, disabling arthritis, suspected cancer, COPD - seemed to be progressing on a shallower incline. We continued to put our lives on hold, I was providing over 500 hours a month of caregiving duty to look after Mom.

Mom is still on the palliative care registry. We just re-newed her paperwork for the registry and her the Do Not Resuscitate order. I am still providing 400 to 500 hours a month caregiving duty. We have continued to improve our family response to take care of Mom and share more of the caregiving work.

Mom's steps from her bed to the big chair have become slower and shorter. She takes a long pause when she stands up to allow her brain to get its bearings and balance. She drops into sleep sitting in her big chair. She gets agitated late in the afternoon and we have started giving her anti-psych meds earlier in the day. 

This spring I decided to stop putting everything on hold and just start living my life again on the other side of the life and death crisis. 

Mom and I took up gardening. I got Mom to read me instructions from the seed packets and plant container while I put seeds into peat pellets and set them on the windowsill to germinate. 

Today we have many baby basil plants poking out of the peat pellets. I am re-organizing my life (again) to incorporate Mom's care into my schedule, logistics, and plans for the next year.

At some point, nature will takes it course, and Mom will no longer be with us. We have no idea how much time we have with her. Today we are gardening.