Drawing strength - 2023 10 22

 

Mom has gone to lay down after dinner. I am sitting down to work on a drawing. 

The laundry machines are running, the dryer and the washer. Dishes from dinner are sitting on the counter waiting for me to unload the dishwasher so they can be loaded in.

Adele is curled up on Mom's sheepskin on the big green chair.

I hear Mom moving around and then I hear her laboured breathing as she gets into difficulty. In her room I find she has gotten into her pyjamas. Her dentures are on her bedside table. She is struggling to get the blankets pulled up.

"I am sorry, Jenny. I am just too weak." She starts to cry.

"It's okay, Mom. You are so strong!" "Let me help you with those blankets."

"I don't know what is wrong with me. I am feeling distraught. Anxious. I don't know why."

"Mom, I wonder if it was that bottle of coke you drank with your dinner? Maybe it has given you too much energy."

"No. It wasn't the coke."

"Mom, do you worry about how your life is going to come to an end? Do you ever think about that?"

"No, not really. I'm not worried about that. When my time comes that will be that. I will be dreaming."

"You know, Mom, I don't have any experience with this part of life, the end of life. I just don't know what to expect."

"I have washed dead bodies."

"What? When was that? What was that like?"

"It was part of my nurses training. It made me comfortable with death. I'm not afraid of it."

"That is amazing. I did not know that."

"I'm just feeling tense."

"Let me get your evening medication. That might help. Do you want a hot water bottle?"

"Yes. If it isn't too much trouble. I would really like a hot water bottle on my feet."

I put the kettle on to boil and refilled the hot water bottle. I raise the head of her bed a bit to make her more comfortable. I give her evening pills. Once she was all tucked in, I kiss her forhead good night.

All I can hear now is the clock ticking in her room and her deep sleep breathing.