primarycaregiver2022

  It is hard to tell what might be happening day to day with a frail elder, when so many body systems are in various conditions of operation. The digestive system. The respiratory system. The nervous system. Systems for reasoning and logic.  One day needs to be a complete rest day.  "No, I'm not getting up today. I'm going to stay right here in bed for the whole day." Another day may be a high energy morning. It's 5:30 am and I wake up and notice the lights are on in the main room. I stumble out of bed to find Mom in her big green chair, "Good morning, darling! How are you this morning? Can I have a drink?" Later in the afternoon, all the energy is gone. "Mom, you are looking a little peaked. Is it time to go for a lay down?" "Oh? I guess you are right. Let me toilet first. Help me out of the chair." Still another day might start with a long sleep in, punctuated with a glass of juice, a cup of tea, and even a bowl of rice crispies in ...

  Mom has gone to lay down after dinner. I am sitting down to work on a drawing.  The laundry machines are running, the dryer and the washer. Dishes from dinner are sitting on the counter waiting for me to unload the dishwasher so they can be loaded in. Adele is curled up on Mom's sheepskin on the big green chair. I hear Mom moving around and then I hear her laboured breathing as she gets into difficulty. In her room I find she has gotten into her pyjamas. Her dentures are on her bedside table. She is struggling to get the blankets pulled up. "I am sorry, Jenny. I am just too weak." She starts to cry. "It's okay, Mom. You are so strong!" "Let me help you with those blankets." "I don't know what is wrong with me. I am feeling distraught. Anxious. I don't know why." "Mom, I wonder if it was that bottle of coke you drank with your dinner? Maybe it has given you too much energy." "No. It wasn't the coke." ...

  Mom starts her day on her own terms. Listening to opera. New drawings on her display board. Her clock in easy view as she counts the seconds to measure her time doing her exercises. Each day there are small, immeasurable changes to Mom's condition as we let nature take its course. Mom is philosophical about these changes and takes them with good humour. This is the thing about Mom. She is a model for making the best of a situation and staying the course. These are the terms of Mom's day to day life here at home. I saw a headline on a post about caregiving for frail elders and dementia patients. It read,  A Family Caregivers Death Watch I had to get moving onto other morning tasks but the words "death watch" stuck with me. I understand very well the tension and uncertainty of caring for a frail elder whose life will likely end on my watch. However, to frame my experience with my Mom, in her final days, months and even years, would be unbearable. Mom's life will e...

  I am sitting in my reading chair. My coffee cup is empty. Adele is curled up in her crate with the door open. Mom was up at 5:30 am to get her dentures from the bathroom. I could hear her breathing and footsteps. I got her back to bed and fetched her a glass of juice. Soon after I took her in her morning cup of tea. I hear the tread of her oxford shoes on the floor, lightly clopping in tiny steps from her bed to the big chair. Her breathing is laboured as she sits heavily onto the soft chair. I can hear her catching her breath as she waits for me to get up and bring her morning cereal. She has dressed herself in her bright pink jersey dress with beige ankle socks and her black oxfords. She still has the cotton in her ears from last night when I put the oil drops in to soften up the ear wax that seems to be bothering her.  This morning Mom has a doctor appointment at 930 am. She is up early and on the move because she doesn't want to be late. It is 7:17 am. I think we are goi...

  Mel Torme drifts through Mom's suite as I unload the dishwasher and wipe down the counters. The dryer spins in the background. Adele is ready for her morning walk.  Mom's clothes are folded at the foot of the bed so she can get dressed when she is ready. She has had her juice, tea and rice crispies in bed this morning and is now dozing as she listens to the music. This is how we started today. Quiet. Calm. Letting nature takes its course.