primarycaregiver2022

  I was awakened at 6 am. I could hear Mom calling from her room, "Please give me something for this pain." Her left arm was hurting again and she had to be feeling pretty miserable to call out like that. I brought her a pain killer and got her settled with her morning juice. By the time the kettle boiled for her tea she was fast asleep. When the Home Support Caregiver arrived at 8 am, Mom was sound asleep and I had to wake her. Before she was fully awake she started talking, saying, "God told me to stay in bed for 24 hours." Once she was fully awake, she insisted this was to be her plan for the day. She was going to stay in bed, in her nightgown, until Friday morning. The Caregiver gave her sponge bath in the bed, careful not to re-activate the pain in Mom's left arm. Once the Caregiver was gone, Mom had a nice hot bowl of oats and raisons with a fresh cup of tea sitting on her bed. I busied myself with morning chores - all the tasks that need to be done to get...

  As I enter Mom’s room this morning, she asks, out of nowhere, “Would you like a piece of cake?” “A piece of cake?” I laugh, “Yes I would actually like a piece of cake.” Mom’s gestures to her cup of tea on her bedside table, “You take a little sip of that just now.” I continue, “You know what I have been wanting?” “What have you been wanting?” “I’ve been wanting a piece of cake to celebrate me and Matt’s anniversary.” “Oh! Was that part of that wedding thing you gave me?” Yesterday I had brought out our little carved wedding box, it holds our wedding vows, a crystal and the shawl we used in the ceremony. Mom had sat for sometime going through the contents of the box, reading the vows, examining the shawl, and holding the crystal in her hands. She was making a connection between the wedding box and my desire for a piece of cake. She asks, “That was the anniversary time?” “Yes, we got married on March 20, 2007…” “March 20th, the beginning of spring…” “Yes, and we haven’t had any cak...

  2023 03 20 This morning Mom had a visit with Holly on Facetime. Holly was showing her all the work that is getting done to prepare for the moving trucks on Saturday. This afternoon she visited with Leif and Arnt. They are in New Jersey building a dinghy. They were able to call over Facetime and show Mom the progress they have made with their boatbuilding. With these calls Mom feels part of the lives of her children and she remembers where everyone is and what they are up to. She sees she is an important member of the family team. After being up for most of the day, she was most comfortable in her room, resting quietly watching “Corner Gas”, her new favourite show.

  Trevor and I have been watching "Portrait Artist of the Year" to inspire our own drawing and painting. On a sunny Wednesday afternoon Trevor asked Mom if he could draw her portrait as she sat out on the porch.  After Trevor was done, he encouraged Mom to draw his portrait. Mom agreed to give it a try and spent the next 20 to 30 minutes concentrating on her drawing. It was a revelation to see Mom's drawing - the detail, the proportion, the layers, the perspective, the shading. She was surprised too, and thoroughly enjoyed looking at the drawings on display for the rest of the afternoon.  In the following days, we have all spent happy time looking at the drawings, talking about portraiture, and admiring Mom's work. She beams from her big green chair, happy to be part of the interests and creative work of the household. It is one thing to provide for the facilities, the physical and medical care, for our elders in-home caregiving. There are additional intangible but si...

I was decluttering the game drawer and pulled out the Boggle game. I gave it to Mom and suggested she see if she could make any words with it.  She had a good time finding words and eventually used up all the letters. She arranged them as if they were on a Scrabble board. Playing with words and language give Mom a lot of pleasure.

  "She has plenty of help..."  My cousin was visiting from out of town. He wanted to bring Mom's sister and husband, Aunt and Uncle, in for a visit. Aunt is 97 and extremely frail and has significantly advanced dementia. Uncle is 100, he looks after Aunt. Mom is a 92 year old mentally disabled (paranoid schizophrenia) frail elder with end stage COPD, disabling arthritis, and dementia. These elders need caregiving for everything: moving from one spot to another, managing coats, hats and canes, sitting down, talking to each other, serving drinks, and a simple lunch, going to the bathroom, getting coats on, getting from the house to the car, and getting safely buckled into the car. This image captures a moment from the visit - the cousins have arranged themselves around an island and are visiting amongst themselves. They are not aware of the elders and what the elders need. When I entered the suite, after completing an unavoidable phone meeting, I found the elders sitting qu...

Mom had been asking for two days for me to get out the nail polish and paint her nails. To be clear, I am not skilled at applying nail polish. I just try to keep it all on the nail and make it somewhat smooth. After I was done, Mom was very pleased with the result. It really brightens her world to look down on her freshly coloured nails. I asked her to pose so I could take a photo to send to my brother far away, it helps to keep him in touch with Mom's day to day adventures. This was the picture we took. When I showed the photo to Mom, she doubled over laughing. She is a very funny lady. Such a character.

  I showed Mom this picture and read her the post I wrote 10+ years ago. We both howled with laughter. It really lifted her spirits to see this memorabilia because she had never seen it before. It is hard to believe how quickly the time has passed.

  My mother parented six children all born between 1953 and 1960. We all remember the smell of fresh baked bread baked in an old Aga stove. Mom's mixing bowl was so big we could use it for joy riding by spinning each other dizzy while we tucked in cross legged. By 1966 Mom had been diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia. She was hospitalized and endured shock treatments, to no avail. The rest of our childhood was under the care of a parent who, while mentally ill, still took care of us and the household to the best of her abilities. She never left us, at least, not in spirit. Today Mom is living in her own home again, after forty years in mental health housing. She moved home last year and it has taken that long to stabilize our frail elder. She is 92 and feels her age. There is nothing she likes better than sitting in her big green chair and watching over activities at the dining table and in the kitchen.  Last night I mixed up the bread dough and put it in the fridge over nig...

Mom enjoys singing. It doesn't matter if she is alone in her bed, in the shower with a caregiver, or sitting out in her big green chair. She loves it best we join her in whatever song she is singing in the moment. It doesn't matter if we know the words. It doesn't matter if we start and end together. What matters is that we are singing together. The rule in the morning is that Adele relaxes in her crate until the caregiver has departed for the day. She curls up and waits patiently, listening for the click of the gate so she can alert me that the caregiver has arrived. It is amazing how a simple song first thing in the morning can change the feeling of the day ahead.