Back from a week away

The family rallied to provide caregiving coverage for Mom while I took a week away to visit my daughter, my grandchildren, and her farm.

Yesterday my oldest brother (OB), a key member of our sibling team, flew back to the east coast. He arrived last week and spent Wed, Thu, Fri and Sat nights staying in Mom's guest room and looking after Mom. My eldest son (ES), who has been caregiving Mom since last summer, came to stay as well. He was able to provide continuity of care while OB learned the day to day routines of looking after Mom. 

My older sister (OS) came to stay at the beginning and end of my trip to provide coverage between arrivals and departures.

My youngest brother (YB) and his wife (YBW) were scheduled to take Mom for two overnights Sunday and Monday evenings, but they came down with Covid so OS had to change her plans for those days and come in to stay with Mom. There is a history here of difficulty, so the change in plan did not only entail extra communications to make new arrangements and individual logistic changes, it also entailed additional communication because there were some upset feelings that had to be resolved.

I got back on Tuesday afternoon. OB flew out last night. The night before, Wednesday night, we went for a walk - me, OB and YB - to discuss a re-set for how we are going to finance and manage Mom's care.

The fact is that Mom is doing better than expected and the quality of her care is likely extending her life expectancy. My week away was a unique opportunity for my Mom and my siblings to re-connect and engage with each other in the rich experience of having Mom home after 40 years in mental health group homes. It also conveyed the workload of caregiving by doing the caregiving. How much time and effort it takes to manage and provide for the life-sustaining needs of a frail elder.

For Mom it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to have all six of her children in and out of her home. To have the day to day intimacies and experiences of family. Our family relationships are stronger for the week that I was away.

We need to figure out how we are going to support Mom's care with the family resources we have. We need to brainstorm possible scenarios for getting the supports we need so that I can work and contribute to family cashflow.



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