Join Me

It was a difficult morning. Mom is dealing with bursitis in her left shoulder and the knock-on effects of losing the use of her left arm and taking powerful pain killers that disrupt her digestive system.

I am home alone right now because my husband and brother are away for a few days helping my daughter install a door and window on her farm.

There are so many (slow) moving parts this morning - Mom's health is declining as she struggles with the pain from her shoulder, an exacerbation of breathing difficulty (likely brought on by pain stress) and a real loss of her independence (sitting up in bed, in and out of bed, to the commode, getting dressed). 

Finally we had accomplished all we needed to do to wrap up the morning tasks. Mom had finished her corn flakes and was lying back on her pillows. Her complexion was pale, she was breathless from the effort of sitting, and she had a stressed look on her face.

I sat on her bed and took her hand.

"Mom, do you think you are near the end of your life?"

"Yes."

"What do you think about that? How do you feel?"

Her expression brightened. "I am happy. My children are developing well and they will carry on without me." Then she asked, "What do you think about that?"

I answered, "I know it is coming and I am trying to prepare for it, but I have no idea what to expect." As I spoke, all the emotion that I keep under wraps came welling up and tears sprang to my eyes.

Mom replied, "You are a good woman with a big heart." 

I kissed her on the forehead and headed for the shower to get dressed for the day.

With Mom settled, I leashed up the dog to head out for our morning walk. I texted my brother that I wanted to report in. 

He called, and I told him, "I don't want to rain on your parade, but what I need to talk about is difficult. I need to share what just happened with Mom. Someone needs to know. I can't do this alone."

He heard me out, and agreed that these kinds of events are more than one caregiver can bear. It is not business as usual. We went on to do some problem solving to improve Mom's situation and I felt comforted and strengthened by the call.

Later, in the evening, as I was recounting the day's events with my husband, I realized what I have been wanting to say to anyone who asks me what they can do to help. I want to say, "Join me. Commit to this mission the same way I have. Let's do this together. It will be a lot more fun and you will get to share these incredible moments with Mom. Join me."