primarycaregiver2022

  Yesterday we tackled the task of removing Mom's personal possessions from her room. I did not realize how hard it would be. Luckily my son, Knoll, and my sister, Holly, were here to help with the work.  The day before, I had a good day. Good energy, able to set myself a modest goal and work throughout the day to get it done. Yesterday my energy was very low. I just felt tired, drained, out of gas. Every question took a great effort to answer. Every decision felt heavy and hard. Knoll started by sorting the drawers from Mom's desk. Every drawer had an assortment of different things in it, they were all a mix. Knoll was able to set up a collection of containers and figure out categories for what should go where. The last drawer on the lower right was physically heavy to open. This drawer held all Mom's hand weights. She loved to get her exercise lifting these weights while she sat in her chair or lay on her bed. She had extraordinary arm strength and it came in handy as she...

  View from our front porch - 2024 10 20 - 910 am 2024 10 20 - Jenny Notes 838 am A quiet, raining morning. Adele is curled up on a sheepskin. I have lit the gas fireplace. We have been pelted by an atmospheric river this weekend. Today will be another downpour. No wind right now. Sodden leaves blanket the soaked ground. The sidestreet has been turned into a waterway sloughing off water that has not been collected in overload, clogged storm drains. This is truly my favourite weather.   There is no traffic. If we have a choice, we stay home.   I can feel myself slowly adjusting to this new era of my life, an era where my Mom is no longer in danger, and is no longer a threat to the safety and security of anyone else.   It is a special kind of work to live with a family member disabled by mental illness. I have lived my life to date hobbled by an invisible, disabling post traumatic stress disorder acquired from childhood and early adult, also adult, experiences. I did n...