primarycaregiver2022

  It is hard to explain to those who have not experienced it. It doesn't need to be explained to those who have experienced it. It is high summer. Those who are unencumbered by caring for someone who cannot fend for themselves are out camping, swimming, surfing, sailing. Enjoying nature, companionship and camaraderie. Experiencing adventures that will form memories that will last a lifetime. Here we are caring for our frail elder. She is in good spirits, but her body is failing. We have been here before over the years. For every health crisis we have watched and waited, nursed, made phone calls, discussed amongst ourselves what to do. And each time, to date, our frail elder has recovered. Each time, she has recovered enough to keep going. Each time she has regained some strength, some mobility, some degree of freedom from pain. Each time, she has also lost some strength, some mobility, some freedom from pain. Each time, she has lost some capacity and capability to fend for herself....

  "Our Father, who art in heaven..." I woke from a deep sleep at 445 am to the sound of Mom's voice weakly reciting the Lord's Prayer from her bed. I immediately thought she was on her way to find her resting place with Grandpa and Grandma Jones. Lately she had been reporting her conversations with them to me, telling me that they, "...were happy with their lives and what they had left behind."  In the last two days Mom had suffered from difficulty breathing, a bout of bowel incontinence and a swollen knee too painful to bear weight. I had been giving her extra puffs on the inhaler, a simple diet, and elevating her sore knee.  I padded into her room and found her in some distress, in tears. I couldn't figure out exactly what the issue was, it was more like generalized grief rather than specific sadness or pain. I sat on the side of her bed and held her hands, wondering what to do. Was she at the end of her life? Do I call my siblings and tell them to get...